In Sickness and In Sickness

This has been the winter of our *health* discontent.  I mean really.  In the past three weeks, I have been sick, M has been sick, and baby J has been sick.  It's a vicious circle and it keeps making the rounds.  This plague is welcome to leave any time now.  Locusts are probably next.

Credit: Mazzola Photography

Just this past weekend, I had something going on and I was nauseous for three days.  To the point where I was terrified I may be pregnant again.  Not to fear, folks.  Not the case but still quite a scare.  I am not ready to experience all this again yet.  Plus, we still need more quality one on one time with this little guy.  Especially when he's sick.

Baby J is always happy.  Even when not feeling well.  He will still laugh, play, and even sleep.  Not much affects his appetite either.  Much like Daddy.  Always ready, willing, and able to chow down.

The weather has been ridiculous in terms of temperature.  There has been hardly any snow as of yet (though that will change in about two days) but it has been freezing.   And wearing hats inside is hilarious apparently.

J gets a tubby almost every night.  Sometimes on days he's home, I forgo the tubby due to the sensitivity of his skin but he always gets one after being in day care all day.  So many cooties.  We can't catch a break.

He is sick once again and this time a little more than what has been his usual sniffles and coughing.  Now there is a fever involved and a deeper cough.  So sad to hear the little guy coughing.  I'm also nervous about febrile seizures and I would have no idea what to do if he ever had one. He's so good about having his temperature taken too.  Doesn't make a peep.  I, of course, feel like I'm violating him a little bit each time.  And you'd think I was cutting off his nose by the way he screams when I wipe it or suck the boogies out.  It's like Armageddon trying to get those suckers out.

I wish we could give him chicken noodle soup.  It's one thing when M or I are sick but when it's your baby, you feel so helpless.  There are lots of snuggles and naps in our house which is fine with me.  Snuggles are always accepted.

I have cleaned the house to rid it of as many germs as possible.  I have stripped all bed sheets, bleached the bathroom and baby toys, and washed the floors.

And do you know how much of a pain in the backside changing a crib sheet is?!  I liken it to wrestling a hippopotamus.

Half Birthday

Smile!

Today baby boy turns six months old!  Happy half birthday!

Where six months went, I have no idea.  But they came, and they will go.  Little boy is babbling like crazy, rolling everywhere like a champ, and chewing mercilessly on his fingers.  I keep thinking the teeth are coming but nothing yet.  And he's still sleeping like a log every night so I guess the teeth are still at bay - for now.

His personality is awesome and every day, it's something new.  Now he's onto doing a silent squeal in which is whole face gets red and then a loud squeal will make it's way out.  So much fun to watch them grow.

So have a happy half birthday and enjoy those feet (his play thing of choice these days)!

Christmas List for Baby

Christmas is two and a half weeks away.  The majority of my Christmas shopping is done.  I probably need to get M something else, I still have two of my nieces to buy for (plus one has a birthday right before Christmas), and I probably need to get something extra for baby J.  My folks are done, my grandmother is done, and M's parents, brothers, our sister in law, and our youngest niece are all bought for.  I feel good about that.

As for baby J's gifts - what do you buy a five month old that doesn't really understand toys yet?  Do I bother?  I mean it IS his first Christmas - he has to get something!  Even if Mommy and Daddy have to open it for him and he thinks the wrapping paper is the most amazing thing ever.

As of now, I got him one of those ring stackers, plush blocks, and one of those circle ball but not ball things. But I am so excited for his first Christmas.  It's going to be the best one ever.

Are these good toys for babies?  Any recommendations for a five month old that has no idea what the difference is between a clean diaper and a mini exer-saucer (both equally fun to play with)?

Almost Over

This is the beginning of the last week of my maternity leave.  I am sad but am also looking forward to it.  These weeks have been wonderful and also difficult.  I wrote of the hard times I experienced but they were also weeks of wonderful bonding with my son.  I am going to take this last week and grab hold of everything I can and to take him all in.  And next Tuesday, I am going to look forward to going back to work.

The first five weeks or so seemed like they were never going to be over.  I wanted to rush through them.  They were difficult for many reasons.  All of a sudden, all twelve weeks are almost over.  I look back and remember just how little he was.  He has grown and developed so much and it was amazing to spend this time with him.  There were so many fun times but honestly, some days were boring.

I do not think I could be a stay at home mom.  Once, I thought I could.  Now, I think I need the outlet.  I need my job.  It is something I am confident in and know how to do.  Those first few weeks with my son, I was not confident and had no idea what I was doing.  Some days, I still don't.  At work, I know what needs to be done.

I need a chance to miss my son.  We both need the time away.  I love spending my time with him but when you do tummy time for the umpteenth time in the day you realize that you need something else.  And you need to start enjoying these play times.  When you do them constantly, they do not seem as special.  When I come home from work, I will sit on the floor with him while on tummy time and play and coo right along with him.  It will be good for both me and him.  So I need some time away.

Many people have asked if I will be going back to work or staying home.  I tell them I will be returning to work.  Some have given me a sad look and say "Really?  That's too bad." I find it inappropriate for people to make a mother feel guilty about going back to work and providing support to her family.  We feel sad enough.  But we know that the separation is good and the socialization my son will get at daycare will only benefit him.

This is not to say that dropping him off at day care will be easy.  It won't.  But I know it's good for him.  And I know it's good for me.  They can give him this play time that I have honestly gotten a little bored with these past few weeks.  I need them to be fun for me again.  But for this week, I am going to enjoy them to the fullest.  We will go to story time, we will play on the floor, we will go for walks, and we will snuggle.  Next week, I will begin the next phase of a working mom. 

Thankful

I am feeling sentimental today.  Could be hormones.  Or could just because I am so very thankful.

I realize I wrote an entire post about my struggle and the difficulty with the first few weeks of my maternity leave.  And those feelings were all completely normal.  It was a truth about the adjustment and learning to accept the change in your entire life.  But through those feelings, you have the most beautiful face to look at.

This morning, I was watching the TV show Maternity Ward.  It is a show about the births of high risk babies, those with drug addictions, and with birth defects.  It is heartbreaking.  On this particular show, there was a little boy who was born with a malformation of his head and face.  He will need surgery by the time he is four months old.  My heart broke for that little helpless baby and the mother.  And it made me so grateful for my perfectly formed and healthy son.

I know I am biased, but I think he's pretty darn beautiful.  He has ten fingers and ten toes.  He has a wonderfully shaped head.  He has two gorgeous blue eyes.  And he's healthy. 

When you think about all those babies in this world who struggle, it makes you hold your child closer and thank God that you were given a healthy baby.  He's also a good baby.  Only cries when he's hungry, wet, overtired, or bored.  No colic, no complete sleepless nights.  He's going anywhere between 5 and 7 hours straight right now at 6 weeks old.  I will certainly take it.

He is growing so fast and eating much more now.  He's up to around 4.5 to 5 ounces per feeding.  And he's getting the cutest little baby chub on his arms and legs.  I just love to pinch it.  He's also smiling now and it melts my heart.  What is more beautiful than your baby smiling at you?  I know I said I couldn't wait until he's older and that is still true.  I am excited about what is to come but I am also sad that these days are getting shorter.  He is growing so very fast and today, I am chershing the moment of his infancy, his snuggableness, and his complete dependency on me and M.  I'm letting go of the schedule.  I am letting him be him today.  Although, he's figuring out a good schedule on his own so I am happy with that.

There are days when I think about oh, we need to get him having a mid morning nap and an afternoon nap.  What time should those be at?  And then, we need to extend his feeding times from 2.5 - 3 hours to 3.5 to 4 hours.  And then we need to figure out how many ounces.  These thoughts stress me more.  I know he will let me know and I will figure it out too.  That Baby Wise book is making me crazy.  I need to give it back to my sister in law so I don't keep cracking it open and reading about everything I'm probably doing wrong.

But am I?  He's growing, he's gaining weight, he's happy, and he's sleeping at night.  I think I'm doing okay, Baby Wise.  I don't need you telling me I'm screwing up his sleep cycle or giving into his demands too much.  He's mine.  I make the rules, book.  He's holding his head up great, he's smiling, he's cooing, he responds to noise, and he focuses and follows objects with his eyes.  He's right on track.  How could I possibly ask for more.

He's the love of my life (along with M of course).  My boys.  To see them together makes me so happy.  Jackson loves to sit with M on the couch and watch TV.  Typical boy already.  He likes to eat, sleep, fart, and watch TV.  He's clearly all boy.  I wouldn't have it any other way.