I realize I wrote an entire post about my struggle and the difficulty with the first few weeks of my maternity leave. And those feelings were all completely normal. It was a truth about the adjustment and learning to accept the change in your entire life. But through those feelings, you have the most beautiful face to look at.
This morning, I was watching the TV show Maternity Ward. It is a show about the births of high risk babies, those with drug addictions, and with birth defects. It is heartbreaking. On this particular show, there was a little boy who was born with a malformation of his head and face. He will need surgery by the time he is four months old. My heart broke for that little helpless baby and the mother. And it made me so grateful for my perfectly formed and healthy son.
I know I am biased, but I think he's pretty darn beautiful. He has ten fingers and ten toes. He has a wonderfully shaped head. He has two gorgeous blue eyes. And he's healthy.
When you think about all those babies in this world who struggle, it makes you hold your child closer and thank God that you were given a healthy baby. He's also a good baby. Only cries when he's hungry, wet, overtired, or bored. No colic, no complete sleepless nights. He's going anywhere between 5 and 7 hours straight right now at 6 weeks old. I will certainly take it.
He is growing so fast and eating much more now. He's up to around 4.5 to 5 ounces per feeding. And he's getting the cutest little baby chub on his arms and legs. I just love to pinch it. He's also smiling now and it melts my heart. What is more beautiful than your baby smiling at you? I know I said I couldn't wait until he's older and that is still true. I am excited about what is to come but I am also sad that these days are getting shorter. He is growing so very fast and today, I am chershing the moment of his infancy, his snuggableness, and his complete dependency on me and M. I'm letting go of the schedule. I am letting him be him today. Although, he's figuring out a good schedule on his own so I am happy with that.
There are days when I think about oh, we need to get him having a mid morning nap and an afternoon nap. What time should those be at? And then, we need to extend his feeding times from 2.5 - 3 hours to 3.5 to 4 hours. And then we need to figure out how many ounces. These thoughts stress me more. I know he will let me know and I will figure it out too. That Baby Wise book is making me crazy. I need to give it back to my sister in law so I don't keep cracking it open and reading about everything I'm probably doing wrong.
But am I? He's growing, he's gaining weight, he's happy, and he's sleeping at night. I think I'm doing okay, Baby Wise. I don't need you telling me I'm screwing up his sleep cycle or giving into his demands too much. He's mine. I make the rules, book. He's holding his head up great, he's smiling, he's cooing, he responds to noise, and he focuses and follows objects with his eyes. He's right on track. How could I possibly ask for more.
He's the love of my life (along with M of course). My boys. To see them together makes me so happy. Jackson loves to sit with M on the couch and watch TV. Typical boy already. He likes to eat, sleep, fart, and watch TV. He's clearly all boy. I wouldn't have it any other way.
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