Almost Over

This is the beginning of the last week of my maternity leave.  I am sad but am also looking forward to it.  These weeks have been wonderful and also difficult.  I wrote of the hard times I experienced but they were also weeks of wonderful bonding with my son.  I am going to take this last week and grab hold of everything I can and to take him all in.  And next Tuesday, I am going to look forward to going back to work.

The first five weeks or so seemed like they were never going to be over.  I wanted to rush through them.  They were difficult for many reasons.  All of a sudden, all twelve weeks are almost over.  I look back and remember just how little he was.  He has grown and developed so much and it was amazing to spend this time with him.  There were so many fun times but honestly, some days were boring.

I do not think I could be a stay at home mom.  Once, I thought I could.  Now, I think I need the outlet.  I need my job.  It is something I am confident in and know how to do.  Those first few weeks with my son, I was not confident and had no idea what I was doing.  Some days, I still don't.  At work, I know what needs to be done.

I need a chance to miss my son.  We both need the time away.  I love spending my time with him but when you do tummy time for the umpteenth time in the day you realize that you need something else.  And you need to start enjoying these play times.  When you do them constantly, they do not seem as special.  When I come home from work, I will sit on the floor with him while on tummy time and play and coo right along with him.  It will be good for both me and him.  So I need some time away.

Many people have asked if I will be going back to work or staying home.  I tell them I will be returning to work.  Some have given me a sad look and say "Really?  That's too bad." I find it inappropriate for people to make a mother feel guilty about going back to work and providing support to her family.  We feel sad enough.  But we know that the separation is good and the socialization my son will get at daycare will only benefit him.

This is not to say that dropping him off at day care will be easy.  It won't.  But I know it's good for him.  And I know it's good for me.  They can give him this play time that I have honestly gotten a little bored with these past few weeks.  I need them to be fun for me again.  But for this week, I am going to enjoy them to the fullest.  We will go to story time, we will play on the floor, we will go for walks, and we will snuggle.  Next week, I will begin the next phase of a working mom.