How It's Going

It's been about a month since I started back to work and Baby J started day care. I can't believe that amount of time has gone by already but so far, it's going really well. He seems to be doing really well at day care and the staff are wonderful and truly seem to love him! It makes me sad that he is the first one there and the last one to be picked up at the end of the day but it does give him great one on one time with the teacher. She also feeds him his breakfast in the morning so that takes that off my hands. Which is good considering how traffic has been but that's a whole 'nother story that no one wants to hear.


I am doing well too. I am glad to be back to work. In all honesty, which I feel bad saying, it does make it a little easier. I'm not the one who constantly needs to entertain him or feed him. I know that probably sounds horrible but it's just how I'm feeling. But I love, LOVE, the feeling I get when I pick him up at the end of the day and then spend those few precious hours before bed with him. I think it's making me a better mom to have this time away. We've had some great naps with him on my shoulders and the smile I get when I pick him up is worth it. And he gets tired at the end of the day which is great.

However, I do think we are heading into the four month sleep regression. He does great for the first few hours in the night but then wakes and has trouble going back to sleep. We have also weaned him from the swaddling and he didn't much care for that at first. But he's all over his crib now at night. He's facing a different way than when I put him down, or he's on his side, or just kicking like crazy. So, the swaddling had to stop. I can usually get him back to sleep pretty quickly but we have had some nights that were more difficult and did require a bottle which I was trying to avoid. I don't want him to start relying on a middle of the night feeding again. But, when just won't settle, he is just that hungry and who can deny a baby that?
I am starting to get a little concerned about his head as it does have a significant flat spot. Luckily, we go to the doctor's in two weeks for his four month check so hopefully they can give me some tips other than propping his head to the opposite side during monitored naps, lots of tummy time, and repositioning in the crib. I did get him a new toy that he just loves. It's a seat with a toy tray. Look at him! You hit that ladybug mirror, Little Man!

So, all in all, we are all doing really well. I am certainly tired. But what new mother isn't. It's just the name of the game and I'm battling through. On a side note though I do seem to be losing a significant amount of hair. Post baby phenomenon?

Almost Over

This is the beginning of the last week of my maternity leave.  I am sad but am also looking forward to it.  These weeks have been wonderful and also difficult.  I wrote of the hard times I experienced but they were also weeks of wonderful bonding with my son.  I am going to take this last week and grab hold of everything I can and to take him all in.  And next Tuesday, I am going to look forward to going back to work.

The first five weeks or so seemed like they were never going to be over.  I wanted to rush through them.  They were difficult for many reasons.  All of a sudden, all twelve weeks are almost over.  I look back and remember just how little he was.  He has grown and developed so much and it was amazing to spend this time with him.  There were so many fun times but honestly, some days were boring.

I do not think I could be a stay at home mom.  Once, I thought I could.  Now, I think I need the outlet.  I need my job.  It is something I am confident in and know how to do.  Those first few weeks with my son, I was not confident and had no idea what I was doing.  Some days, I still don't.  At work, I know what needs to be done.

I need a chance to miss my son.  We both need the time away.  I love spending my time with him but when you do tummy time for the umpteenth time in the day you realize that you need something else.  And you need to start enjoying these play times.  When you do them constantly, they do not seem as special.  When I come home from work, I will sit on the floor with him while on tummy time and play and coo right along with him.  It will be good for both me and him.  So I need some time away.

Many people have asked if I will be going back to work or staying home.  I tell them I will be returning to work.  Some have given me a sad look and say "Really?  That's too bad." I find it inappropriate for people to make a mother feel guilty about going back to work and providing support to her family.  We feel sad enough.  But we know that the separation is good and the socialization my son will get at daycare will only benefit him.

This is not to say that dropping him off at day care will be easy.  It won't.  But I know it's good for him.  And I know it's good for me.  They can give him this play time that I have honestly gotten a little bored with these past few weeks.  I need them to be fun for me again.  But for this week, I am going to enjoy them to the fullest.  We will go to story time, we will play on the floor, we will go for walks, and we will snuggle.  Next week, I will begin the next phase of a working mom. 

How do you do it?

I have been filling out the paperwork and enrollment forms for Jackson's childcare.  There are so many questions and information you need to provide which I think is great.  They want to know all kinds of things about your child and where they are developmentally.  I will be going to the daycare in the next couple of weeks for Jackson to meet the teachers and to go over all of the things I need to provide (like formula, diapers, clothing, crib sheets, etc).  I am getting nervous and so sad.  My maternity leave and bonding time is almost over.  Four more weeks.  Where did this time go?

I am excited to get back to work and to have more "brain" activity.  I'm not sure my personality is built to be a stay at home mom.  I need activity, I need to use my brain, and I need to get out of the house (not that you can't do these things with a child).  But the thought of being away from my little guy every day makes me want to burst into tears.  How do you do it?

That first morning when I drop him off, I know I will sob the entire drive into work.  Note to self: Bring make up so I can reapply when I get to the office.  I know he will be well cared for and it will do nothing to break the bond I have with him.  I have just spent every day of the past eight weeks with him and will do the same for the next four.  While there were many days, especially at the beginning that were excruciating, to not be with him all day will be so hard. I won't see the things he does everyday.  I won't hear his little noises and coos.  I won't be able to just watch him sleep.  I will miss him terribly.

I also know it will be good  for him.  He will begin socializing with other babies and adults.  He will have structured activity and sleep time.  This is good.  Just how do you easily leave your child with people you don't know? 

And then by the time I pick him up, he will need to eat, be played with a little, and then it will be time for bed.  Not much time.  When do M and I fit dinner in?  Will the dog get walked?  Will I be able to cook?  I'm not sure how I can do it all.  And the morning.  Do I get up earlier to get myself ready and then the baby up, fed, and clothed?  Or do I just change him and leave the feeding up to daycare?  I guess it depends on when he wakes up.  I realize M can help but with his job, it is almost impossible.  That's another story all on it's own.  When do I clean my house?  Weekends?  I don't want to.  I am going to want to spend as much time as I can with Jackson since I can't during the week.

Seriously.  How do working moms do it?