I think the little guy is suffering from a lot of gas right now. He burps and farts quite often. And he's loud at both. Sometimes he's inconsolable for a little bit until the gas gets out and then he crashes. I have switched to a formula for fussiness and gas and I'm hoping that works. Yes formula. That is another post on it's own.
So I was told all about labor and delivery from all kinds of people. Each had their own story and now I have mine. Most people liked to tell about the pain and joy that comes along with it. But no one told me about what comes after. I will now do all those expectant mothers a favor.
These are all things that occurred after I delivered Jackson. Some I semi-knew about, others I did not.
1. Drugs really do wear off. I always thought yeah right, you're hooked up to the IV. Well, sometimes you need the drugs supplemented with more than what comes through the IV in your back. I also didn't know that when you are administered the IV, you have to drink the nastiest shot of liquid antacid. It tasted like a rancid Sweet-Tart. They also give you a button to give you more of the drugs. I asked if I could OD myself. They said I couldn't.
2. The nurse just put those hideous socks on me. I thought I would have a choice. I would have preferred bare feet to those.
3. At one point, I was feeling the contractions on one side of my body. So they had me lay on that side until the drugs took the pain away from that side.
4. Laboring can be boring. I laid in that bed from 10:30am until 10:15pm just waiting and waiting.
5. I asked the nurse at one point, "My bum is numb. Is that normal?" She said yes but can you wiggle your toes? Thankfully I could. Risk of paralysis and all by having a needle stuck into your spine. I also asked no cathetar? What if I have to pee? Will I pee myself? She said no but I will check you and empty your bladder for you. Also humiliating.
6. I was starving the entire time. I could only have liquid once hooked up to the drugs.
7. Pushing sucks. It made my eyes feel like they were going to pop out of my head.
8. Sometimes I felt the nurse wasn't paying attention so I just started pushing when the contractions started. Didn't know I would have to take my own delivery into my own hands.
9. The nurse just took my hand at one point and was like "Feel his head!" Not sure I wanted that to happen but I guess it was cool. Next time, ask me first.
10. The baby FINALLY came out and he was placed on my chest. So many things going on in my head. Mostly "Thank God he's here!" "Yay, I'm not pregnant anymore" and "Holy S*%! that hurt!"
11. Once the baby was out, I was administered a local into my you know what so they could finish up some business down there. At one point I saw the needle and stitches.
12. They push on your uterus after delivery. That was ALMOST as painful as delivery. It was awful. I asked the nurse to stop but she said she had to to get my uterus to contract and begin going down. She did it several times and it was excruciating. Some of the worst pain of my life when she was doing that.
13. After some amazing bonding time, the nurse says ok, before you go to the postpartum unit, you need to walk and go to the bathroom. She has me sit up slowly, put my legs over the edge of the bed, and stand up. Then she walks me to the bathroom. Side note: As we're walking, she says "Wow, you are small." Anyway, she says OK, we need to make sure you can pee. There is little measuring thing in the toilet for you to pee in so they can see how much you go. Well, pee I did. I almost overflowed the thing. It was all red and I asked, is that normal? Of course it was.
14. Not done in the bathroom yet! Oh no. She shows me this squirt bottle and tells me each time I use the bathroom, I will need to fill it up and squirt it on myself. She demonstrates and does it for me. Humiliating. Then tells me to pat dry. Then she shows me the world's thickest maxi pad and says you will need one of these, and one of these huge pad like ice packs. So, she gives me these hospital underpants and puts the pad in, then the ice pack. Then she says you also need to put a layer of Tucks pads and an antiseptic cream. So she puts that all on and helps me into the underwear. I continued the rest of my hospital stay with a cold mattress between my legs. I did not know the extent of this aspect. And every time I went to the bathroom, it would take me about ten minutes. I would be in bed and think I have to pee but do I really want to? It was a gross feeling.
15. Lactation consultants can be militant grumps or super nice mother figures. Guess which one I like better?
16. The rotation of nurses were great. Each one though offered their own opinions on what to do with the baby. Some was helpful but it also just confused me.
17. I wasn't in very much pain after delivery as everyone said I would be. I only took the pain killers for the first day. After, I didn't need any. The nurses were like really? It really didn't hurt.
18. They give you Colace so you do number two. And they want to know when you do your first one after delivery. Awesome thing to tell your nurse when it happens.
19. The morning nurse the day after delivery told me I might throw up the first thing I eat. I was going to get a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich but decided to get pancakes. I figured if I was going to get sick, it must not be bacon. And of course, I didn't get sick. So the next two mornings, I ordered the breakfast sandwich. The last day, my bacon, egg, and cheese showed up as an extra bacon and cheese sandwich. Mistake or small miracle? I'll let you decide.
20. They continue to push on your abdomen throughout your stay. Luckily, the pain decreases each time. And they check your bum. So much indecency they put you through.
This is my long list of good time fun after you deliver your baby. Sorry for the TMI.
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